Its You
by Astroganof
Summary: One shot LJ. James has always been a loss for words. Never been able to say how he really feels, because he's afraid of what it will do to his reputation. But when the perfect girl came along, he tried to tell her he could change, if only just for her. R


**Its You **

Summary: One shot L/J. James has always been a loss for words. Never been able to say how he really  
feels, because he's afraid of what it will do to his reputation. But when the perfect girl comes along, he tried  
to tell her that he can change, if only just for her. :) R&R 

**Disclaimer:** The character's are owned by J.K. Rowling, and the song "the Reason" is by HOOBASTANK. I own nothnig. :D 

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Lily was frustrated. Ever since the start of the year, she didnt know what to make of James Potter. Constantly  
flirting, never was there a day when he didnt try to hit on her. She tried repeatedly (and very loudly) telling him to "Bugger off!"  
and leave her be, but he wouldnt stop. She never saw James Potter this persistent about dating a girl, but she didnt  
get her hopes up. She knew he did this just to save face. He would never live it down if a girl rejected him. 

'But,' Lily thought. 'if he did this just to regain his dignity,' she glanced down at the paper she held tightly in her palm. 

_Lily, _

Will be waiting at the Astronomy Tower an hour after curfew.  
11ish. 

J.P. 

She turned to look at the clock beside the fire place. 10.50... She got up from her chair and quietly walked out  
the portrait hole. Thoughts swam in her head, thinking that this was a prank. She'd walk into the tower and the Marauders  
would be there, ready to hex her with a puking spell or what not. She knew James to be that immature. 

She came closer to the opening of the tower and carefully walked up its many steps. When she reached the door  
however, Sirius, Remus and Peter were no where in sight. Instead, there by the window sill, sat a very confused and  
nervous looking James Potter. 

"James?" Lily said. "--You know how much trouble we could both get in? An hour after curfew!" 

"I could--we could lose our Head Badges for this, James." She continued huffily. It was only then that Lily realized that  
James had walked over to her. He pressed a finger to her lips. 

"Shhhh..." He whispered in her ear. His voice was low and soft, and it made Lily shudder. 

"James, what are you..." She trailed off as he kissed her cheek. He straightened up, and looked at her softly. He took her  
hand and led her to the window sill. 

**_I'm not a perfect person,  
there's many things I wish I didnt do._**

"Lily, I know I've got a really bad reputation." He said sadly. 

Lily smirked. "Understatement." She muttered laughing. He chuckled along with her, rolling his eyes. 

"Be quiet, Evans." He said playfully tickling her. She giggled, but quickly regained a straight face. 

**_But I continue learning,  
I never meant to do those things to you._**

"I guess, with you..." He trailed off. "Its just different." He shrugged and looked away. She tried to catch his eyes, but he  
looked so confused. "I've never had to try so hard." He continued. "To get a girl I mean..." 

Lily looked down at her shoes. He sounded sincere, but it was still hard to believe him. Maybe he pulled this trick on every girl  
who tried to turn him down. "James," She said laughing. "Stop. I'm not falling for this." She smiled up at him, but his expression  
surprised her. He looked hurt. 

**_And so I have to say before I go,  
That I just want you to know,_**

"Lily, I'm not joking." He forced her to look him in the eye, holding her face in both hands. Lily held his wrists and made him let her go.  
She looked down, sure that she wouldn't get it out if she looked at him. 

"James, I cant." She said forcefully. "You'll hurt me." Her voice suddenly sounded so small. 

James broke free of her hold. "Lily." He said, his voice strained. "Yes you can!" He sounded so strangled.  
"I wont! I _cant_ hurt you!" His voice was pleading and Lily did not know what to make of it. "It isnt possible! ...I've changed..." 

**_I've found a reason for me,  
To change who I used to be._**

"James, you cant _change_ who you are." She persisted, looking up at him. 'Who is he kidding?' Lily thought.  
What she saw scared her. James looked at her, half angry half hurt. 

**_A reason to start over new,  
and the reason is you._**

"Lily! Why wont you believe me?" His voice cracked. 

"James, listen--" 

"No! Lily! _You_ listen." He was starting to sound hysterical. She flinched. His voice was rising, and she knew this couldnt  
be good. 

"James, I'm not right for you--" 

Suddenly Lily felt all his weight push her up against the wall. She looked up at him. "James, what the hell?!" His teeth were barred and  
his eyes were flashing. Lily felt terrified. Her wrist, under his strong grasp, were starting to hurt badly. "James?" She asked quietly. "James,  
let go." 

He didnt. He moved his face towards her, trying to kiss her. She moved her head so he only got her cheek, which in turn made him  
angrier. "Fine." He said menacingly, and tightened his grasp on her wrists, which were held above her head. 

"James!" She yelled out in pain. "Stop, James!" He pressed her harder against the wall, and she started to cry. He realized  
what he was doing when tears started rolling down her cheeks. He let go, looking so surprised at himself, and she fell limply, crying. 

**_I'm sorry that I hurt you, Its something I must live with everyday._**

James shook his head, waking him from his cold reverie. He pushed the hair on her face out of the way, and saw her crying into her  
hands. "Lily, I'm sorry." He said, not looking her in the eye. 

A strangled voice came from her sobbing. "What is _wrong_ with you, James?" She continued through her crying.  
"Have you gone mad?" She curled up and burried her face in her knees, clutching them tightly. James didnt know what to do. She kept  
crying, and wouldn't stop. He tried to hug her, but she pushed him away. 

**_ And all the pain I put you through,  
I wish that I could take it all away,  
and be the one who catches all your tears._**

James stood up, and looked out the window. He realized this was as good a time to tell her, before she ran away.  
"Lily," He began, his back towards her. "I know I treat girls horridly, I treat _you_ horridly. Its just the way I was raised. I know  
its wrong, but I get possessive. But you're different." He knew he wasnt making much sense. 

He didnt know how to tell her. He didnt know how to make it right, but he tried anyway. "Lily, I know you wont forgive me for what  
I just did, but I can change. I really _can_. Just give me a chance, I just need some time." 

A meek voice came from behind him. "No, you cant James." 

**_ Thats why I need you to hear,  
I've found a reason for me,  
to change who I used to be.  
A reason to start over new,  
and the reason is you._**

"Yes I can." He repeated, but unlike before, his voice was soft and sorry. "I can, Lily. For you, I can." 

Her voice still soft, and cracking of sorts, she said, "Why for me?" James shoved his hands in his pockets, suddenly very  
aware that someone was actually listening to him. 

"Because with you, I find reason to smile. I start to forget everything I'm given, and everything I have." James knew she thought  
that he was feeding her another line, but he couldnt care less. She needed to understand. "Pride, as unbelievable as it seems,  
starts not to matter--unless its to impress you." He chuckled and vaguely heard her smirk. 

**_ I'm not a perfect person,  
I never meant to do those things to you.  
And so I have to say before I go,  
that I just want you to know, _**

"There really isnt any excuse for how I hurt you." He said, his back still to her. "But for the first time, I actually regret what I did."  
He paused. "I'm really sorry for hurting you, Lily. And I hated seeing you cry." His voice was straight. He didnt miss a beat. "I'll change.  
I mean it. I will. I love you." 

**_ I've found a reason for me,   
to change who I used to be.  
A reason to start over new,   
and the reason is you._**

"You're 17. You cant tell." Her voice now stronger, and cutting, she persisted. 

**_ I've found a reason to show,  
a side of me you didnt know._**

His voice was quiet, vaunerable, but sure. "I know how I feel." Through all this, he sounded gentle. Sincere, more than Lily knew he  
could be. His King of Hogwarts facade seemed to fade. For a while, he sounded real. 

**_ A reason for all that I do,  
and the reason is you._** He paused for a long time, waiting for her to realize that he did, in fact, love her. When he couldnt wait any longer, he turned around.   
She wasnt there. There was just the piece of parchment he sent her. scribbled on the back her reply. 

_You cant change who you are.  
Its you._

He could suddenly hear her footsteps running, a floor under him. He hit the wall with his fist, and sank down to the floor.  
That was it, it was done. 

END 

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A/N: Hope you liked it. :) Please tell me what you think. Review! ^_____^ 


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